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Going To Hell In A Very Stylish Handbasket.

"El diablo sabes mas por viejo que por diablo" - old Mexican proverb

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Achtung! Das machine ist nicht für gerfingerpoken und mittengraben. Ist too easen für schnappen der pringenwerk, blowenfusen, und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht für gewerken by dast dumkopfen - das rubbernecken sightseeren ban keepen das hands in der pocketsen, relaxen und vatchen das blinkenlights.

links:
Grandfather Economic Report
Tom Paine
The Nation
RGE Monitor
The Economist
Landover Baptist Church
The Onion
Ernie's House of Whoop Ass

Aww, good golly for them, eh? Wasn't it just last month that the poor oil executives were wringing their hands and saying loudly that there was "nothing they could do" about soaring gas prices? Of course not, if by "doing something" you mean lowering their record-setting profits in any way...

Exxon Earnings: Expect Another Gusher

Business Week - Soaring oil prices are churning out huge profits for Big Oil. The question for the biggest player, ExxonMobil (NYSE:XOM - News) will be whether first-quarter net income tops its own record of $11.66 billion set in the fourth quarter of 2007.

"increase ethanol use" = record profits for Conagra and Monsanto

"national energy security" = record profits for Exxon and Halliburton

"high gas prices" = record profits for House of Saud

Food scientists say stop biofuels to fight world hunger

WASHINGTON, Associated Press - Some top international food scientists Tuesday recommended halting the use of food-based biofuels, such as ethanol, saying it would cut corn prices by 20 percent during a world food crisis.

But even as the scientists were calling for a moratorium, President Bush urged the opposite. He declared the United States should increase ethanol use because of national energy security and high gas prices.

BROOKE GLADSTONE: I have to admit I don't know what you're talking about. [LAUGHS]

KEVIN PHILLIPS: Well, see, that's the government's secret weapon.

Cooking the Books

(www.onthemedia.org, NPR)

To get a read on the vital signs of our increasingly shaky economy, media turn to those all-important stats: unemployment, consumer price index, GDP. But Kevin Phillips, political and economic commentator, says that for decades administrations have been altering the definitions of those stats to paint a rosier outlook.

(Listen to the MP3, or read the interview transcript)

Transcript of the interview:

BROOKE GLADSTONE: One of 2008's top stories so far has been our economic woes, and so the media are closely watching those bellwether statistics regarded as the vital signs of the economy – unemployment numbers, the consumer price index, and, of course, the gross domestic product, or GDP.

[CLIP]

FEMALE CORRESPONDENT: The US economy has added the equivalent of the entire GDP of China. So, and to be growing at 4.9 percent, I am just stunned if that's the right number. Holy cow!

[END CLIP]

BROOKE GLADSTONE: But is that the right number? Kevin Phillips explains in the May issue of Harper's that these stats are not the reliable indicators we think they are. In fact, they have been rendered almost meaningless over the decades by successive presidential administrations that have changed the criteria to make the economic picture rosier than it really was, and is. Kevin Phillips and other economists call it "the Pollyanna creep."

Phillips was a senior strategist for President Nixon.

KEVIN PHILLIPS: You had gathering inflation because of the Vietnam War. You had currency gyrations. You had the oil price problem creeping in. And this challenged the politicians because basically they didn't want to have to say, this is awful and these numbers prove it. And the numbers were softened a little bit, and that was the origin of Pollyanna creep.

BROOKE GLADSTONE: So tell me how they were able to cook the books.

KEVIN PHILLIPS: Well, let me start with unemployment. It's always a question of what the workforce is and how you define people who aren't quite in it. And this might sound like it's fairly simple, but it's not remotely. Government unemployment measurements run from the U-1 to the U-3 and up to the U-6. Now I'll stop sounding like an aircraft designation [BROOKE LAUGHS] and back up here.

The U-3 is the number that they generally report. The U-6 includes a lot more people who maybe they're looking for a job, maybe they're not. There's some larger explanation of why they're not working. And the U-6 has unemployment about twice as high as the U-3.

Now, the press, understandably, basically takes the government number, which is the lesser number, which runs in the fours and now is up just past five, whereas the other number runs between nine and ten. So which is it?

BROOKE GLADSTONE: When the media report that unemployment is, say, at five percent when really by another measurement it may be twice as high as that, what's the impact?

KEVIN PHILLIPS: Well, I think Americans tend to believe that we have lesser unemployment than Europe, and part of the reason for that is the media use the number which really is better than Europe's, because frankly [LAUGHS] it's a little bit loaded to be that way. I think, frankly, the one that runs between nine and ten is the more revealing.

BROOKE GLADSTONE: Back when I was a kid, we used to talk about the gross national product; now we talk about the gross domestic product. How is that number made rosier?

KEVIN PHILLIPS: Well to begin with, the gross national product includes your sort of foreign economic relations. And the difficulty is that [LAUGHS] they weren't doing too well in the early '90s. The United States was emerging as a major debtor nation, so we moved to the gross domestic product.

BROOKE GLADSTONE: That was in 1991?

KEVIN PHILLIPS: 1991. The problem with the gross domestic product as it now exists is it too has a number of fudge factors. A number of the elements of GDP are imputed as your income. Homeowners' expenses aren't really homeowners' expenses. They're imputed income if you rented your house.

BROOKE GLADSTONE: Kevin?

KEVIN PHILLIPS: What -

BROOKE GLADSTONE: I have to admit I don't know what you're talking about. [LAUGHS]

KEVIN PHILLIPS: Well, see, that's the government's secret weapon.

[BROOKE LAUGHS]

There is no way that the media can get in there and really explain what's happening.

BROOKE GLADSTONE: Is cooking the books like this a partisan phenomenon, or does it transcend political party? I can understand why the White House would give these rosy statistics. What I don't understand is why the opposition doesn't come back with the other numbers and say, hey wait a minute, this just isn't right.

KEVIN PHILLIPS: The books started [LAUGHS] being cooked quite a while ago. Presidents in both parties have found it very convenient, under the auspices of the Kennedy administration in terms of defining the workforce, then LBJ, then Nixon, then Reagan. George H. W. Bush - they were trying to whack inflation down to save money on Social Security, so they wanted some new definitions.

Clinton came in and fulfilled a number of the George H. W. Bush objectives, and then [LAUGHS] you found George W. Bush in, and he continued.

So you have to have an outsider politician who hasn't been involved in any of this to feel free to make the charges about cooking the books.

BROOKE GLADSTONE: How is anyone to know and report on the economy, if the basic information they're given is so gamed?

KEVIN PHILLIPS: Well, that's a real difficulty. All these problems, for example, in the credit markets that we've heard about – structured investment vehicles, collateralized debt obligations, asset-backed securities – well, the media don't know what they are either.

BROOKE GLADSTONE: The financial press has been using the word "opacity" to describe the complicated arrangements surrounding the sub-prime mortgage crisis.

KEVIN PHILLIPS: That's a nice word. That does not imply either negligence or some sort of deliberate falsification. And the difficulty is that all these definitions and what they do and how, nobody knows.

BROOKE GLADSTONE: That's opacity for you.

KEVIN PHILLIPS: That's opacity!

BROOKE GLADSTONE: Kevin, thank you very much.

KEVIN PHILLIPS: Thank you.

BROOKE GLADSTONE: Kevin Phillips is author of the new book, Bad Money, Reckless Finance, Failed Politics and the Global Crisis of American Capitalism.

What happened to "I'm the Decider"? Or better yet, "President of the United States"? Fucking weasel.

Bush faults Congress for inaction on economic woes

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. President George W. Bush said on Tuesday the U.S. economy was facing a "tough time" because of rising food and energy prices and a weak housing market, and faulted Congress for inaction.

"Many Americans are understandably anxious about issues affecting their pocketbook, from gas and food prices to mortgage and tuition bills," Bush told a press conference.

"They're looking to their elected leaders in Congress for action. Unfortunately, on many of these issues, all they're getting is delay," he added.

Bush pushed for lawmakers to approve new refineries to increase gasoline supplies, allow oil exploration in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska, support nuclear power, and reform the Farm Bill.

He also called on Congress to pass legislation to modernize the Federal Housing Administration, reform housing finance companies Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and allow state housing agencies to issue tax-free bonds to refinance subprime loans.

"On all these issues, the American people are looking to their leaders to come together and act responsibly. I don't think it's just too much to ask even in an election year," Bush said.

Mah hero, the Daily Reckoning's Mogambo Guru:

FRIED IN THE FINANCIAL SUN

by The Mogambo Guru

There is a new report from the Comptroller of the Currency titled "OCC's Quarterly Report on Bank Trading and Derivative Activities, Fourth Quarter 2007", which shows that total bank holdings of derivatives is estimated to be "only" $164.2 trillion, whereas I seem to remember that the global glut of derivatives is upward of $700 trillion, which are both numbers so big that I cannot even begin to comprehend the enormity of them.

The report shows that the notional value of derivatives held by U.S. commercial banks has suddenly plunged by a whopping $8 trillion, which is (unbelievably) still only 5% of the total, and which merely takes the total down to the aforementioned-yet-still-staggering $164.2 trillion.

When I realized that $8 trillion is more than half of America's GDP, that is when I realized that "Houston, we seem to have a problem, as we are on fire, and we are tumbling out of control into the sun where we will soon be fried to a cinder."

And let's not forget that even this baleful news is the best that the banks can come up with, as the whole report is based on banks volunteering to tell stories about themselves, which is unbelievably the same as with, according to an article in the Financial Times, Libor rates, which are the agreed-upon interest rates that London bankers agree to charge on short term loans to each other.

The upshot of asking lying, greedy bankers (the villains of history) to tell the truth and let everyone know what disreputable, untrustworthy scum they are has now proved to be an unreliable system of self-regulation, and thus the Libor rate may be understated because the rate is based on self-reports of people who are bankers, which means that they are lying scumbags who falsely report that their short-term borrowing costs are lower than they are, because they know it looks bad that they are getting charged a high interest rate, which proves that the people who are loaning the money to them know what kind of lying, scumbag bankers (as redundant as that is) they are.

But it is these self-reports, like the American O.C.C reports, that are the backbone of the Libor rate, which affects lots and lots and lots of other rates.

By how much is the Libor lending rate understated? Maybe as much as 0.3%, which doesn't sound like that much, but when you are talking about trillions and trillions of pounds and euros of debt, it adds up to a lot of money! Now you see why they are so interested in lying!

And the last thing we need is higher interest rates, as Bloomberg.com reports that "U.S. corporate bankruptcies are accelerating as the economic slowdown compounds the end of easy credit", which is being made manifest by noting that a Merrill Lynch index showed that "The amount of distressed corporate bonds jumped to $206 billion April 11 from $4.4 billion in March 2007." Wow! What's that, an increase of 5,000% or something?

And another scary Bloomberg item was that loans are becoming harder to get, regardless of the interest rates, and "Banks worldwide are demanding 60% more in collateral from investors such as hedge funds to cut the risk of derivative trades going bad, the International Swaps and Derivatives Association said."

And another horror is that the stock market went up, which is Pretty Freaking Strange (PFS) since Barron's reports that the earnings of the Dow Jones Industrials went down, dropping to $225.53 from $234.49. This has produced the unbelievable price-to-earnings ratio of 57! Earnings are going down, but the stocks are going up! To a P/E of 57! Un-freaking-believable!

And not only that, but DJ Transportation index saw its earning drop, too, to $218.60 from $230.91, taking this index's P/E to 23!

And while the venerable S&P500 has not yet shown any more deterioration in its earnings, the fact that the market went up made the P/E of this index go to a lofty 21! All of this in the face of deteriorating conditions and economic collapse! This is beyond incredible!

How can you NOT run to gold in such crazy times? Ponder this question well, as a lot depends on your answering it correctly, much like when the minister asked you, "Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?", and you know how well that turned out. So, like I said, ponder it well!

Until next week,

The Mogambo Guru

Warren Buffet joins fellow gazillionaire smartmoney boyz George Soros, Jim Rogers, Marc Faber, etc in seeing very bad economic times ahead. So why is Wall Street buying? S-U-C-K-E-R-S....

Buffett says recession may be worse than feared

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Warren Buffett, the world's richest person, said on Monday the U.S. economy is in a recession that will be more severe than most people expect.

Buffett made his comments on CNBC television after his Berkshire Hathaway Inc (BRKa.N) (BRKb.N) agreed to invest $6.5 billion in the takeover of chewing gum maker Wm Wrigley Jr Co (WWY.N) by Mars Inc in a $23 billion transaction.

"This is not a field of specialty for me, but my general feeling is that the recession will be longer and deeper than most people think," Buffett said. "This will not be short and shallow.

"I think consumers are feeling gas and food prices," he added, "and not feeling they've got a lot of money for other things."

This depraved monster kept one of his daughters in a secret dungeon as a sex slave for 24 years. All the while, he raised a normal family in the outside world. WTF, is all that I can say. WTF.

[Joseph Fritzl, depraved monster]

Police: Dad confesses to holding daughter captive 24 years

AMSTETTEN, Austria (AP) — A man has confessed to imprisoning his daughter for 24 years in windowless cell with a soundproofed door and fathering seven children with her, police said Monday.

The man, now 73, also told investigators that he tossed the body of one of the children in an incinerator when the infant died shortly after birth, said Franz Polzer, head of the Lower Austrian Bureau of Criminal Affairs.

"We are being confronted with an unfathomable crime," Interior Minister Guenther Platter said.

The daughter, who is now 42, had been missing since 1984 and was found by police in the town of Amstetten on Saturday evening after police received a tip.

Police on Monday released several photos showing parts of the cramped basement cell, with a small bathroom and a narrow passageway leading to a tiny bedroom. Investigators said an electronic keyless-entry system apparently kept the daughter from escaping from the cell, which was made of solid reinforced concrete.

[Elizabeth Fritzl, innocent victim of depraved monster]

Greenspan, Bush to blame for U.S. crisis: Stiglitz

VIENNA (Reuters) - Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan and the government of President George W. Bush were to blame for the U.S. financial crisis, Nobel laureate economist Joseph Stiglitz said in a magazine interview.

"This man (Greenspan) has unfortunately made a lot of mistakes," said former World Bank chief economist Stiglitz, according to a preview of the interview to be published on Monday in profil magazine.

"His first one was to support all the tax cuts which were introduced under Bush -- they didn't stimulate the economy very much ... This task was then transferred more towards monetary policy, though then (Greenspan) created a flood of credits with low interest rates," Stiglitz was quoted as saying.

Earlier in April, Greenspan said in an interview with CNBC television that the U.S. economy was in recession and defended his chairmanship of the U.S. central bank against charges that his policy missteps had laid the groundwork for the crisis.

He said decisions during his charge had been rationally constructed based on evidence at the time.

Stiglitz said Bush's government was also to blame.

"I reproach them, that the economy was not as resilient as it could have been due to the ongoing tax cuts and the huge costs incurred by the war in Iraq," he was quoted as saying.

He said it was a myth that Europe could decouple itself from the United States.

"Everything is fine!" - talking heads on teevee.

"Now is the time to buy cheap in the market!" - stock investors.

"Rebates going out Monday will boost economy!" - Geroge Bush.

"The crisis is over!" - Feds

Reality check:

GodAMN these pissants are making me mad today!

"...about the court's role in deciding the 2000 Florida recount case in favor of George W. Bush and against Al Gore.

"Get over it. It's so old by now," he said."

We CAN'T get over it, asshole. Thanks to you, Dubya has ruined this country, and we have to live with the fallout. So pardon the hell out of us if we can't simply "get over" losing our jobs, losing our wealth, losing our home, losing our standing in the world, losing our civil liberties, losing our basic freedoms, losing our moral compass, losing everything that used to make America Pretty Damned Great Thanks.

"Get over it." Fuck YOU, fatboy.

Scalia: I'm conservative, but not biased

WASHINGTON, Associated Press - The Constitution doesn't prohibit abortion any more than it allows it, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia says in a television news interview to be broadcast Sunday.

Scalia told CBS News' "60 Minutes" that he may be conservative, but he is not biased on issues that come before the court. "I mean, I confess to being a social conservative, but it does not affect my views on cases," Scalia said in excerpts released Thursday.

"On the abortion thing, for example, if indeed I were ... trying to impose my own views, I would not only be opposed to Roe versus Wade, I would be in favor of the opposite view, which the anti-abortion people would like to see adopted, which is to interpret the Constitution to mean that a state must prohibit abortion," Scalia told correspondent Lesley Stahl.

"And you're against that?" Stahl asked.

Scalia replied, "Of course." He said "there's nothing" (in the Constitution to support that view.)

The interview is tied to the publication on Monday of a new book, "Making Your Case: The Art of Persuading Judges," that Scalia, 72, wrote with legal writing expert Bryan Garner.

At an appearance Thursday afternoon in Baltimore, Scalia told students from the University of Baltimore School of Law he opposed the concept of a living constitution that changes as society's standards change. Interpreting the Constitution to ban things such as abortion, for example, denies citizens to right to decide such matters for themselves, Scalia told the students.

"Why should the court have the power to remove this from the democratic process?" Scalia said of the abortion debate.

[Really? Like not letting the people actually decide who should lead them, you mean THAT democratic process?]

Not that I agree with the dumbocrats, but - Bush, what a total asshole! Okay to bail out business fatcats that made the mess and deserve to fail, but helping Americans is bad bad bad! I HATE THAT HYPOCRITE! THAT LYING, STEALING, WARMONGERING TWO-FACED BASTARD!

AAAARRGGGH!!!

Bush administration opposes Democrats' housing rescue plan

WASHINGTON, Associated Press - A top housing official said Thursday that the Bush administration "strongly opposes" Democrats' housing rescue package, calling it a bailout that would expose taxpayers to excessive risk.

['excessive risk'!? What about the $30 billion we handed to JPMorgan to buy Bear Sterns with!? That's okay, huh!]

Deputy Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Roy A. Bernardi also indicated that President Bush would veto a bill sending $15 billion to states for the purchase and rehabilitation of foreclosed properties.

[As opposed to what - the HUNDREDS of BILLIONS already doled out to Big Business at the Fed's auction windows!? And more hundreds of billions to come - that's okay too! Fucking-A!]

This abstinence shit has to have been thought up by a bunch of dysfunctional, guilt-ridden tight-assed virgins (or quasi-virgins). Nobody who has ever actually gone through an honest case of puberty could possibly forget how sex was on your brain pretty much all the time.

Pretending that "just say no" works, and refusing to educate on practical solutions, is to condemn generations of kids to unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, life-long poor self-esteem and other psychological problems. Thank you, organized religion!

Experts say sex abstinence program doesn't work

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Programs teaching U.S. schoolchildren to abstain from sex have not cut teen pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases or delayed the age at which sex begins, health groups told Congress on Wednesday.

The Bush administration, however, voiced continuing support for such programs during a hearing before a House of Representatives panel even as many Democrats called for cutting off federal money for so-called abstinence-only instruction.

"Vast sums of federal monies continue to be directed toward these programs. And, in fact, there is evidence to suggest that some of these programs are even harmful and have negative consequences by not providing adequate information for those teens who do become sexually active," Dr. Margaret Blythe of the American Academy of Pediatrics told the committee.

These programs, backed by many social conservatives who oppose the teaching of contraception methods to teenagers in schools, have received about $1.3 billion in federal funds since the late 1990s. Currently, 17 of the 50 U.S. states refuse to accept federal funds for such programs.

Experts from the American Public Health Association and U.S. Institute of Medicine testified that scientific studies have not found that abstinence-only teaching works to cut pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases or the age when sexual activity begins.

The American Psychological Association and American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists also issued statements to the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform criticizing the abstinence-only programs.

Comprehensive sex education programs should emphasize abstinence as the best way for a teenager to avoid pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease (STD), Blythe said.

"Those adolescents who choose to abstain from sexual intercourse should obviously be encouraged and supported in their decisions by their families, peers and communities. But abstinence should not be the only strategy that is discussed," Blythe said.

HIGH STD RATES

Lawmakers cited government statistics showing that one in four U.S. teenage girls has a sexually transmitted disease and 30 percent of U.S. girls become pregnant before the age of 20.

Republicans said even if some abstinence-only programs do not work, others do, and it would be wrong to end the funding.

Farm bill: making America fat and polluted, one subsidy at a time

San Francisco, Christian Science Monitor - At a time of soaring food prices, America's grocery bill is about to balloon. Congress is staggering toward completion of a nearly $300 billion farm bill that upholds subsidies for big farmers and food corporations – undermining vital efforts to make our food supply more healthful and sustainable, both environmentally and economically.

It's time to overhaul the government's approach to food and farming.

If the current measure passes (as it's slated to this Friday) Americans will shell out billions of dollars for farm subsidies that wreak havoc on our land and diets. These payments irresponsibly promote the consumption of cheap fatty foods, the depletion of soil and air through overuse of pesticides, and destructive farming practices.

Like farm bills past, this one also advances the removal of small farms, eroding the spirit and finances of rural communities across the US.

Organized crime penetrates energy sector: U.S.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - International organized crime groups control "significant positions" in global energy and strategic materials and are expanding holdings in the U.S. materials sector, the U.S. Justice Department said on Wednesday.

A strategy on fighting organized crime released by the department also says such groups manipulate securities exchanges and conduct financial fraud to steal billions of dollars. It says they systematically corrupt public officials, use computer networks to target victims, and provide logistical support to terrorists and foreign intelligence services.

SEC refuses to say why Bear enquiry dropped: report

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Regulatory officials turned down a congressional request to reveal why they aborted an inquiry into whether Bear Stearns Cos (BSC.N) improperly valued complex debt securities, hurting investors in the process, the Wall Street Journal reported on Wednesday.

The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission cited confidentiality for its decision, the report said.

Sen. Charles Grassley, an Iowa Republican, sent the SEC a letter on April 2 asking for details on why the regulatory body dropped its investigation into the Wall Street firm, the Journal said.

The report added that SEC Chairman Christopher Cox replied in an April 16 letter, saying: "The Commission does not disclose the existence or nonexistence of an investigation or information generated in any investigation unless made a matter of public record in proceedings brought before the Commission or the courts."

Bear Stearns agreed last month to be bought by JPMorgan Chase & Co (JPM.N) for $10 a share in an all-stock transaction to save it from bankruptcy.

The truth about mormons, courtesy of Chick Publications, purveyors of fine X-tian cartoon propaganda:

[Mormon holy underwear. Former prez candidate Mitt Romney refuses to confirm or deny whether he has his heavenly skivvies on]

There Is Nothing More Pagan

Mormon Teaching

Issue Date: January/February 1985

You will never learn Mormon doctrine from their Articles of Faith. Those are written to hide their teachings from "gentile" readers. You must look into their secret temple ceremonies and the writings of their prophets. Here are some of the surprising results.

Mormon scripture consists of four books. They are: (1) The Book of Mormon (2) Doctrine and Covenants (3) Pearl of Great Price and (4) The Bible (in that order). The first three books seriously contradict the Bible. Mormons often ignore the Bible, claiming it is "mis-translated."

Joseph Smith was God's prophet. "No man can come to Christ except through Joseph Smith."

Prophets are better than Scriptures. The words of a Mormon prophet supercede those of the written Scriptures.

God was once a man who progressed to Godhood. Mormons believe we can do the same. Their God has a physical body of flesh and bone.

There are many gods in heaven. God the Father, Son and Holy Ghost are supposedly separate gods, united only in purpose.

God is having kids. Surrounded by what must be 1,000 or more wives, God is having little spirit babies which will inhabit the people born on the earth. The number of babies this requires Him to produce daily is incredible! No explanation is given why their God of flesh and bone, having babies through physical sexual contact with his wives, has only spirit babies. They teach that Mary married God to have Jesus (or else He would have been illegitimate) and then divorced him to marry Joseph.

Dark skin results from a "curse" placed upon certain spirits, presumably for some failure during "pre-existence." This anti-Negro doctrine is an embarrassment for Mormon leaders, and they are under great pressure to change it.

Women need husbands for resurrection at the end of time. Without a man to "lift the veil" over her face on resurrection day she won't make it. She is desperate to see her husband remain a true Mormon so she may be resurrected. Women's liberation has not made great inroads here.

Jesus had many wives. They say Mary and Martha were among his wives. One Mormon authority said Jesus was killed for his polygamy.

The Book of Mormon is infallible. Mormon Articles of Faith say, "We believe the Bible to be the Word of God as far as it is translated correctly: we also believe The Book of Mormon to be the Word of God." They claim anything in the Bible which denies Mormon teaching is "incorrectly translated."

Polygamy in heaven will be the rule. While early Mormon leaders taught and practiced polygamy, today few practice it due to fear of arrest. However, they teach that men (but not women) will be polygamists in heaven.

Marriage for eternity is performed in Mormon temples. Perhaps they consider Jesus' words to the contrary (Matt. 22:30) are "mis-translated."

"Holy underwear" is put on during the Mormon marriage ceremony (performed only in the temple). These "garments" must always touch the body for the rest of life. This is supposed to keep the "anointing oil" of the temple ceremony from escaping. Some irreverently call then "angel pants."

Baptism for the dead is done to provide non-Mormon ancestors a place in "celestial glory." Mormons spend great sums on genealogical research to find relatives who had no Mormon baptism. They say no one can get to heaven without baptism, and heaven has no water, so they baptize the living for their dead.

Proxy marriage for the dead is performed in Mormon temples. Mormons believe that loved ones who died outside Mormonism will live alone in the hereafter. Mormons conduct proxy weddings to "seal" these dead ones so they can be husband and wife in heaven.

Three heavens (degrees of glory) are taught: "Celestial," "Terrestrial," and "Telestial." All except the worst sinners (doomed to perdition) are expected to go to one of these. Only Mormons who marry in the Temple, keep the "Word of Wisdom" and wear their "garments" can get to the Celestial kingdom. God is supposed to be there. Those whose works aren't good enough, are stuck with the lower levels, where they are denied the "joys" of a polygamous eternity.

There is no hell according to current Mormon teaching. Even though The Book of Mormon teaches about hell, Mormons deny its existence. Much of current Mormon teaching contradicts their "infallible" Book of Mormon.

The one true church is the Mormon church. All others are apostate.

Many of their doctrines, taught by Mormon "prophets," are a great embarrassment to present Mormon leaders. They are even attempting to deny that their great prophets ever taught some of theses things.

But the historical record is clear. The writings of Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and others include the above doctrines.

Obviously Mormonism, which bases its claim to be the true church on the absolute reliability of early Mormon prophets, is proving today that those prophets were not speaking the words of an infallible God. Mormonism is continually changing and self-contradictory.

Sportsbabe extraordinaire Danica Patrick made history today by totally kicking ass at the Indy 300 Japan. Here's to many more wins in a long and illustrious career!

Danica Patrick makes IndyCar history by winning Japan 300

MOTEGI, Japan, Associated Press - Danica Patrick was always sure a woman could win a race. And now the questions about her will surely stop.

Patrick made it to the place she wanted to be for so long — Victory Lane. She became the first female winner in IndyCar history Sunday, capturing the Indy Japan 300 in her 50th career start.

"I'm glad it finally happened," the 26-year-old driver said. "But I would be lying if I told you I didn't think it would be me."

I thought we already gave them nukes and jetfighters and shitloads of dollars every year - what the fuck do they need spies for, and if it's such a big deal, why are we still giving those sneaky greaseballs nukes and jetfighters and shitloads of dollars every year?

American accused of giving nuclear secrets to Israel

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. authorities arrested an American engineer on Tuesday on suspicion of giving secrets on nuclear weapons, fighter jets and air defense missiles to Israel during the 1980s, the Justice Department said.

Ben-Ami Kadish, a Connecticut-born U.S. citizen who worked at an Army engineering center in New Jersey, was suspected of reporting to the same Israeli government handler as Jonathan Jay Pollard, who is serving a life term on a charge of spying for Israel.

Court papers say Kadish's spying lasted roughly from 1979 to 1985, and his contact with the unidentified Israeli handler continued until March of this year.

Kadish was arrested in New Jersey and was scheduled to be arraigned on Tuesday afternoon at U.S. District Court in Manhattan, authorities said.

There was no immediate comment from the Israeli government but a senior Israeli defense official said "I find it hard to believe that, after the Pollard affair, we would recruit an American spy."

Pollard pleaded guilty in 1986.

Astronaut Peggy Whitson sets record for longest time in space at 377 days.

Previously, she and Commander Pamela Melroy made history as the commanders of both the International Space Station and the US Space Shuttle at the same time (in other words, girls were in charge of the whole damned mission, thank you. And gosh, nothing blew up, whaddaya know).

Check out how the big financial houses are spreading their vigorish around:

A really scary chart from one of my favorite economics education sites, the Grandfather Economic Report. THIS is why we are so seriously fucked:

Congress Quietly Repeals Martial Law Provision

Today, with zero media coverage, a law took effect that allows the president to use the military against the country's citizenry at will and without any real consequence. The fascists have won, the takeover is technically now complete. All that needs to happen is a single manufactured excuse in order to implement deployment, say a food riot or a "terrorist attack". If the National Guard won't fire on it's own people, families, neighbors, why - we'll just truck in the NatGuard from 3 states over.

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The Martial Law Act of 2006

by James Bovard, Posted April 9, 2008

Martial law is perhaps the ultimate stomping of freedom. And yet, on September 30, 2006, Congress passed a provision in a 591-page bill that will make it easy for President Bush to impose martial law in response to a terrorist “incident.” It also empowers him to effectively declare martial law in response to what he or other federal officials label a shortfall of “public order” — whatever that means.

It took only a few paragraphs in a $500 billion, 591-page bill to raze one of the most important limits on federal power. Congress passed the Insurrection Act in 1807 to severely restrict the president’s ability to deploy the military within the United States. The Posse Comitatus Act of 1878 tightened those restrictions, imposing a two-year prison sentence on anyone who used the military within the United States without the express permission of Congress. (This act was passed after the depredations of the U.S. military throughout the Southern states during Reconstruction.)

But there is a loophole: Posse Comitatus is waived if the president invokes the Insurrection Act.

The Insurrection Act and Posse Comitatus Act aim to deter dictatorship while permitting a narrow window for the president to temporarily use the military at home. But the 2006 reforms basically threw any concern about dictatorial abuses out the window.

Section 1076 of the Defense Authorization Act of 2006 changed the name of the key provision in the statute book from “Insurrection Act” to “Enforcement of the Laws to Restore Public Order Act.” The Insurrection Act of 1807 stated that the president could deploy troops within the United States only “to suppress, in a State, any insurrection, domestic violence, unlawful combination, or conspiracy.” The new law expands the list of pretexts to include “natural disaster, epidemic, or other serious public health emergency, terrorist attack or incident, or other condition” — and such a “condition” is not defined or limited.

Something to look forward to:

The oldest Americans are also the happiest, research finds

CHICAGO, Associated Press - It turns out the golden years really are golden. Eye-opening new research finds the happiest Americans are the oldest, and older adults are more socially active than the stereotype of the lonely senior suggests. The two go hand-in-hand: Being social can help keep away the blues.

"The good news is that with age comes happiness," said study author Yang Yang, a University of Chicago sociologist. "Life gets better in one's perception as one ages."

"The first panacea for a mismanaged nation is inflation of the currency; the second is war. Both bring a temporary prosperity; both bring a permanent ruin. But both are the refuge of political and economic opportunists."

"War is no longer made by simply analysed economic forces if it ever was. War is made or planned now by individual men, demagogues and dictators who play on the patriotism of their people to mislead them into a belief in the great fallacy of war when all their vaunted reforms have failed to satisfy the people they misrule."

"We in America should see that no man is ever given, no matter how gradually or how noble and excellent the man, the power to put this country into a war which is now being prepared and brought closer each day with all the pre-meditation of a long planned murder. For when you give power to an executive you do not know who will be filling that position when the time of crisis comes."

- Ernest Hemingway, "Notes on the Next War: A Serious Topical Letter", 1935

---

Too late, Ernie. We've given the power to declare war to a puppet position, and the masters will use that power with increasing ferocity. Also, we've given control of the money and the markets to those same private masters, those political and economic opportunists you worried about.

We are fucked, Ernie. We traded liberty and strength for cheap plastic shit from China, for bread and circuses, Big Macs and WWE on teevee. We welcomed the fascists as our saviors, so scared to death of a few stone-age zealots with boxcutters that we didn't feel their overlord jackboots on our spineless backs.

We are fucked.

I scan the news every day, and I often see stuff that just makes me talk back, like some demented freak listening in to talk radio and arguing with the host... here's today's crop of crap that made me mutter:

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"Nearly 1 in 5 troops has mental problems after war service"

Gosh, ya think there, Edith? What with your bloody bodyparts and knowing it's really all for Halliburton profits, ya don't reckon it might actually twist your head up a bit, do ya?

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"Pope prays with victims of clergy sex abuse scandal"

...with nice, cheap words...

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"Polygamist sect hearing in Texas descends into farce"

With 416 kids and two ambulance-chasing lawyers per client descending on the proceedings, I'm surprised "farce" is the best word the Associated Press could come up with. This crap is gonna wind up costing millions of dollars, permanently freak out the kids, and in the end, do absolutely nothing to stop the pervert "elders" from starting up a new brood sow compound somewhere else.

---

"Study links incontinence drugs with memory problems"

Senility heaven: being blissfully unaware of peeing yourself...

---

"Bankruptcies Rise for Firms `That Should Have Failed'"

About time. Now, if we can just get the ratfucks at JPMorgan, Citibank, Merril Lynch, Lehman Brothers and Goldman Sachs to blow up like they should... oh no, wait, the Federal Reserve (which they own) is bailing them all out at taxpayer expense, I forgot.

Way to teach good body and self image, "strapping handsome" Dr. Michael!

New children's book takes on mommy's plastic surgery

Associated Press - Divorce. Bullies. Foster care. There are books for children on just about every tough subject these days. But mommy's plastic surgery?

A Florida plastic surgeon has written about just that in "My Beautiful Mommy," a picture book due out April 28 that tries to calm the fears of kids with parents getting tummy tucks, breast enhancement procedures and nose jobs.

Dr. Michael Salzhauer said so many moms brought kids to their appointments that he was motivated to stock up on lollipops in his Bal Harbour, Fla., office. In "My Beautiful Mommy," he explains mommy's recuperation, changing look and desire for plastic surgery.

"Many parents don't explain to their kids what's going on," said the father of four, with his fifth child on the way. "Children are very perceptive. You can't hide a major surgery from them. When mom goes down for two weeks after a tummy tuck it affects them."

Illustrations show a crook-nosed mom with loose tummy skin under her half shirt picking up her young daughter early from school one day and taking her to a strapping and handsome "Dr. Michael."

Mom explains she's going to have operations on her nose and tummy and may have to take it easy for a week or so. The girl asks if the operations will hurt, and mom replies, "Maybe a little," warning she'll look different after the bandages come off.

The girl asks: "Why are you going to look different?"

Mom responds: "Not just different, my dear — prettier!"

... so why should I care? Lalalalalalaa, everything is fine....

Warmest March ever over land

WASHINGTON, Associated Press - Planet Earth continues to run a fever.

Last month was the warmest March on record over land surfaces of the world and the second warmest overall worldwide.

For the United States, however, it was just an average March, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration reported Thursday.

My favorite reality show is "The Biggest Loser", where morbidly obese contestants spend several months at a highly regimented fitness camp, vying for a big bucks prize. It's actually a lot more fun than it sounds, and it sends a much-needed message to FatAss America.

Last night, my underdog contestant won the game, becoming the first woman in the history of the series to take the title (Biggest Loser has been on for 5 years, and versions of it run in 25 countries). Underneath that fat suit was a world-class athlete - congrats to Ali Vincent, the Biggest Loser!

This is no mean feat - in just five months, Ali sculpted herself from a 234 lb fat chick into a lean, buff hottie:

-----

Now then. A snarky aside that will be appreciated only by BL fans.

Every year that trainer Bob Harper has been up against trainer Jillian Michaels, Jillian has trained the winner. Every time. The only time Bob ever trained a winner was two seasons ago against trainer Kim Lyons, and Kim is gone gone gone.

This season, as a "game twist" one week, they had Bob and Jillian compete unexpectedly. Bob won, and his prize was to rearrange the teams any way he liked. Well, of course Bob immediately picked every huge guy in the house to be on his team, practically guaranteeing him a win over Jillian, since big men have dominated the winner's circle on this show.

Jillian took the girls and the one tiny guy (Bernie). and trained the living bejeezus out of them. While Bob and his Boyz strutted around all smug and got themselves big fat fugly team tatoos, Jillian's team just kept plugging away.

Bernie won the at-home contestant prize (eliminated contestants get to come back for one more shot at a secondary cash prize), and Ali took the Biggest Loser title. Even after he rigged the game, Jillian beat the pants off Bob again.

IN YOUR FACE, HARPER!

Well, I'd say better late than never, but in this case, it's just too fucking late. We're screwed.

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America, Ex-Distortion

4/12/2008

by John Rubino

In yet another sign that the end is near, Harper’s Magazine, that venerable fount of left wing culture, has become a source of clear-eyed financial journalism. In February it ran a cover story by iTuilip’s Eric Janszen explaining America’s devolution from goods-production to paper shuffling. Janszen calls this the FIRE economy (for Finance, Insurance, and Real Estate) and concludes that it can only survive by blowing ever-bigger bubbles (read the article here for Eric’s prediction on where the next bubble will appear).

And the May Harper’s just hit the newsstands with a cover story by veteran political analyst Kevin Phillips on how the U.S. government has been systematically distorting the economic numbers it reports. Here’s his opening:

"Almost four decades have passed since the United States scrapped its last currency ties to precious metals. Our copper and nickel coinage still retains some metallic value, but not nearly enough for the purpose of currency tampering--the historic temptation of inflation-plagued or otherwise wayward governments, including, at times, our own. Instead, since the 1960s, Washington has been forced to gull its citizens and creditors by debasing official statistics: the vital instruments with which the vigor and muscle of the American economy are measured. The effect, over the past twenty-five years, has been to create a false sense of economic achievement and rectitude, allowing us to maintain artificially low interest rates, massive government borrowing, and a dangerous reliance on mortgage and financial debt even as real economic growth has been slower than claimed. If Washington’s harping on weapons of mass destruction was essential to buoy public support for the invasion of Iraq, the use of deceptive statistics has played its own vital role in convincing many Americans that the U.S. economy is stronger, fairer, more productive, more dominant, and richer with opportunity than it actually is."

According to Phillips, this misinformation campaign began under LBJ, continued under Reagan, took off under Clinton, and was refined by Bush. So the enterprise is bi-partisan. And it’s not just one statistic. Our leaders lie about unemployment, inflation, growth and the deficit. Because Social Security payments are indexed to inflation, government statisticians suppress reported inflation, and thus their need to increase monthly SS checks, by arbitrarily eliminating from their calculations products that are rising too quickly in price. If they were adjusted for the true cost of living, today’s Social Security checks would be 70% higher and the Federal deficit would be exploding. (Questions for seniors: Why haven’t you burned down the White House? Are you waiting for the Baby Boomers to do it?)

Since the true level of unemployment would upset voters in crucial swing states, the government simply eliminates whole categories of people from the statistical workforce so they don’t show up as unemployed. To make GDP look better Washington “imputes” (i.e. makes up) new income sources and credits them to homeowners and others. When the money supply starts growing to fast to effectively hide, the Fed just stops reporting measures like M3. And the lies, like our accumulated debts, keep getting bigger. If Washington suddenly decided to tell the truth, America's vital statistics would look like this:

Inflation: 12%

Unemployment: 12%

Economic Growth: Negative

National Debt: $60 Trillion

This is absolutely shocking. Here's a video of a seminar, in which lawyers for a marketing firm teach corporate HR people how to get around fair employment laws and hire only immigrants. The practices they describe should be designated as treason, and US based corporations that do this should be fined heavily.

There is no shortage of skilled US workers, otherwise why would companies need to hire lawyers to tell them how to exclude skilled US workers? This is about outsourcing to cheaper labor, about making mo' money for the company:

Immigration attorneys from Cohen & Grigsby explains how they assist employers in running classified ads with the goal of NOT finding any qualified applicants, and the steps they go through to disqualify even the most qualified Americans in order to secure green cards for H-1b workers. See what Bush and Congress really mean by a "shortage of skilled U.S. workers." Microsoft, Oracle, Hewlett-Packard, and thousands of other companies are running fake ads in Sunday newspapers across the country each week.

WE ARE *SO* SERIOUSLY FUCKED!

But the FatCatz are fine...

It’s a Crisis, and Ideas Are Scarce

New York Times - As the credit crisis has slowly expanded and worsened, there has been a flurry of activity in Washington to reduce the damage from it. There are bailouts and tax breaks, and even checks to parents of school-age children.

Paul Volker, the former Fed chairman, says there is no turning back to the slower-paced days before electronic trading.

But there is remarkably little action aimed at getting the credit system functioning again.

In part, that is because there is a scarcity of ideas. Paul Volcker, the former Federal Reserve chairman whose legacy has not crumbled since he left office, was right this week when he said the financial engineers had created “a demonstrably fragile financial system that has produced unimaginable wealth for some, while repeatedly risking a cascading breakdown of the system as a whole.”

But it is far from clear what should replace it, or if it can somehow be mended.

To be sure, we had a system that worked for generations, based on commercial banks constrained by regulation. But that system is not coming back, as Mr. Volcker noted in his extraordinary speech to the Economic Club of New York this week.

“Any return to heavily regulated, bank-dominated, nationally insulated markets is pure nostalgia, not possible in this world of sophisticated financial techniques made possible by the wonders of electronic technology,” he said.

In any case, the banks are not all that healthy anyway, thanks to their losses from the strange securities created under the new system.

The most amazing visual in any game is the hole-in-one.

Legally blind golfer, 85, gets ace

GREEN VALLEY, Ariz., Associated Press - An 85-year-old legally blind golfer from southern Arizona made a hole-in-one this week on a par-3 course. Robert Dunham accomplished the feat on the third hole at Tortuga in Green Valley.

Playing with a group of fellow blind veterans enrolled in a Veterans Affairs health care system program, Dunham's volunteer assistant lined him up with the ball, handed him a 9-iron and stepped back.

Dunham swung through the ball, hit it squarely and it landed softly on the green, taking one hop before nestling into the bottom of the cup.

Dunham's group erupted into a cacophony of cheers and high-fives.

The World War II vet's first reaction?

"I thought they were kidding me," Dunham said. "I told them, 'You guys better not be pulling my leg.'"

The news is full of the whole FLDS compound kid rescue, with creepy stuff like a big ornate bed in the middle of their "temple", used to deflower the kids on their "wedding" night, and documents on cyanide poisoning. Urgh, shades of Jim Jones.

Hundreds of girls, many of them pregnant, are being introduced to the idea that maybe they are more than just brood sows for dirty old men. The idea is ingrained, these kids are products of many inbred generations of this sick shit.

Dude, if you could have as many teen "wives" as you wanted, and your "religion" said they had to put out for you the minute puberty hit, you'd have a drooly, shit-eating grin on your wrinkly old face just like this twisted fuckwad, Rulon Jeffs, former head of the FLDS polygamy sect, and daddy of (among a gazillion others) Warren Jeffs, currently in jail for rape/incest/etc:

[Horny old fart Rulon Jeffs and two of his sixty-odd teen hottie "wives"]

From the website polygamyabuse.com:

The predominantly polygamist towns of Colorado City and Hilldale are located side-by-side on the Arizona/Utah border, just north of the Grand Canyon. These communities are home to at least three Mormon Fundamentalist sects.

The largest is the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. They are not mainstream Mormons. Rather, they live in a "closed society" not welcoming of "outsiders" curious about polygamy.

Polygamy is banned under the Constitution and is a felony offense under Utah state's bigamy statute. Those who choose to live "The Principle" - as it is known to insiders - typically try to live their lives under a radar screen, while continuing to commit various felony offenses predominantly in the States of Utah and Arizona (and Texas).

Their followers are generally not allowed any form of contact with the outside world and are essentially uninformed about world happenings, technology such as computers or cellular phones and may even be unaware who the President of the United States is currently. They face total and complete isolation.

These polygamist followers live in strict accordance of 92-year-old prophet Rulon Jeffs. Rulon Jeffs traced his leadership directly back to Joseph Smith, the leader and organizer of the Mormon Church. Rulon claimed he would live forever, but when he died several years ago, he passed on his leadership, his 60 wives and his 70 children to his son Warren Jeffs.

Warren continued to enforce his father's practice of polygamy in this secretive society where young girls are married off to older men who already have multiple wives. It is not uncommon in these "families" to find 3 or more "sister wives" and 15 or more children. Because one husband cannot possibly support all of these children, the women are sent to the welfare office where they are to obtain welfare dollars, food stamps and medical care for the children. In effect, taxpayers end up footing the bill. They refer to this fraud and abuse of the welfare system as "bleeding the beast."

Young women do not get to choose their husband. They are assigned to a husband by the prophet. The man is usually is good standing with the prophet - the more obedient the man to the prophet, the more wives he is "given."

It is the belief of those practicing this form of polygamy that a man can get to heaven ONLY if he has at least three wives. A woman cannot get into heaven on her own: she must be married to a man who earns admission by having multiple wives.

Young girls and women are warned to "Keep Sweet" - meaning to do as they are told by the prophet and her husband. Strict obedience is the rule. Women are not allowed to voice their opinions or influence their communities. Their primary duty is to produce children.

Boys and young men are often "excommunicated" from the church and literally kicked to the streets. Seen as competition to the older men who want the young girls as child brides, they are disposed of for minor violations such as talking to girls or breaking curfew. Most of these boys have little education and absolutely no knowledge of the outside world. These young men are known as "The Lost Boys."

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Here's a modern-day FLDS group, the Tom Green "family", with Tom, five of his "wives", and a shitload of kiddies. Tom is currently sitting in jail for raping a 13-year-old "wife" and getting her pregnant.

Your welfare dollars at work, folks!

"The federal government budget deficit widened to a record $175.6 billion in February as a weakening U.S. economy reduced tax revenue for a second consecutive month." - Bloomberg.com

Our biggest national product? "Innovative" financial vehicles, otherwise known as OTCs, MBSs, SIVs, CDOs and so forth.

Now that we can't sell that garbage to anyone but the US taxpayer (via the Fed), the tax revenues the the goobermint once derived from all that shit is *poof* gone.

No wonder the Fed is trying so hard to prop up the crumbling financial system! It needs the taxes it generates so it can buy up the crap it produces!

*blink*

Wow. That's some serious fucked up.

From gold yoda Jim Sinclair's mailbox, a nice clean slice through the goobermint spin into the heart of the matter - insolvent financials:

Greetings Chairman Jim,

http://www.federalreserve.gov/releases/h3/Current/

As of the April 10th H.3 report: Non-borrowed Reserves are now ($99B) compared to Total Reserves of $45B.

Since a "Negative Non-Borrowed" is a double negative, I interpret this to actually mean that Borrowed Reserves equals $99 Billion and Total Reserves equals $45 Billion.

If I understand this correctly, it would mean that the banks NOW have negative REAL reserves to a factor of 2X.

That would mean that the banks are in the same situation as the guy who has a $200,000 mortgage on a house that is now worth only $100,000. If this is the case, it looks like the ONLY option to keep this whole thing from unraveling will be to debased the US dollar until that $100,000 asset is worth $200,000 (in US Dollars) regardless of what the US dollar is worth in other currencies or gold.

Your comment yesterday that it would be a miracle for the US dollar to hold .52 becomes much clearer now.

Looks to me like gold and silver are going to be the ONLY currency people accept once they finally begin to figure this out.

As always, thanks for all you do for us.

CIGA Buz

------------

Plum Island is where Clarice Starling offered to relocate Hannibal Lecter.

Why does Homeland Security need to move a livestock virus research facility 1) onto the mainland and 2) next to a livestock area? Why not simply upgrade the Plum Island facility?

1) to use the Plum Island facility for secret bioweapons research, and 2) to create a distraction if needed politically. Anyone remember what a big media circus there was when a small outbreak of 'escaped' hoof-n-mouth disease virus escaped in Britain back in 2001? They had to slaughter millions of sheep and cows that time. Completely took attention off the buildup to Iraq.

If I were really a conspiracy nut, I'd be thinking how easy it would be to distract from food riots or other widespread social unrest by letting a 'small' virus loose amongst the population by having it 'accidentally' 'escape' from a mainland-based facility. Something that would infect about a third of the population and kill every fifth person or so, like the Spanish Flu in 1918. That would keep the sheep busy and quiet for sure. That would be a handy option for a totalitarian regime to have in place, eh?

Dangerous animal virus on US mainland?

WASHINGTON, Associated Press - The Bush administration is likely to move its research on one of the most contagious animal diseases from an isolated island laboratory to the U.S. mainland near herds of livestock, raising concerns about a catastrophic outbreak.

Skeptical Democrats in Congress are demanding to see internal documents they believe highlight the risks and consequences of the decision. An epidemic of the disease, foot and mouth, which only affects animals, could devastate the livestock industry.

One such government report, produced last year and already turned over to lawmakers by the Homeland Security Department, combined commercial satellite images and federal farm data to show the proximity to livestock herds of locations that have been considered for the new lab. "Would an accidental laboratory release at these locations have the potential to affect nearby livestock?" asked the nine-page document. It did not directly answer the question.

A simulated outbreak of the disease — part of an earlier U.S. government exercise called "Crimson Sky" — ended with fictional riots in the streets after the simulation's National Guardsmen were ordered to kill tens of millions of farm animals, so many that troops ran out of bullets. In the exercise, the government said it would have been forced to dig a ditch in Kansas 25 miles long to bury carcasses. In the simulation, protests broke out in some cities amid food shortages.

Nope, it hasn't been your imagination, rich folks really have been making a shitload higher percentage of money than you in the last 30 years. Thank you, Reaganomics. Trickle-down works if you don't mind being pissed on. You been making NOTHING, they've been making boatloads. Off you. Peasant.

Shut up and get back to consuming:

Notice the fall in import goods when we started buying up every cheap piece of shit China produced. Notice how the essential stuff just keeps going through the roof.

Consider how the depreciating dollar might make our own goods cheaper for other countries to buy (if we actually produced anything besides debt, which we barely do), but at the same time makes their goods far more expensive for us to buy. Say 'goodbye' to cheap Chinese crap. It will still be crap, but it won't be cheap any more.

The "credit crunch" is actually the fact that every financial institution is hoarding cash and no one is lending because no one knows if the other party is good for the debt or is holding a sackload of toxic waste that is about to blow up and take the good loan dollars with it.

There's plenty of "credit", just ask the Fed, who is happily "loaning" out the entire United States Treasury to these weasel moneyboyz and sticking the taxpayers with the bill while the aforementioned boyz pocket the cash and offload their crap.

Look at the graph on the right - that's how much GARBAGE the Fed is holding on its books right now, and the giveaway is just starting! The Fedz take your money via Treasury bills, and exchange it for "marked-to-model" OTC nuclear waste. Bankerboyz get clean money, you get a sack of flaming shit.

Reasons to distrust, from Mish:

• There is Ponzi Financing at Citigroup (C)
• WaMu's (WM) $7 billion Share Offering Doesn't Spell Bottom
• The SEC Openly Invites Corporations To Lie
• Goldman (GS) and others are hiding out in level 3 assets marked to fantasy
• Lehman (LEH) is leveraged 31.7 times
• There are more writedowns every day
• Things are so bad the FDIC is sounding out Misguided Calls For Activism
• We are headed smack into An "L" Shaped Recession
• The Fed is offering an alphabet soup of lending facilities and taking actions not seen since the great depression
  

Just TRY to get a mortgage right now - HAH! That's right, you can't, no bank will loan you any of that lovely free taxpayer money, you cheap miserable lowly debt-ridden taxpayer you.

They will, however, be happy to put all of their greedy malinvestments, financial chicanery, and outright fraud on YOUR tab.

"The World Bank in Washington says 33 nations from Mexico to Yemen may face 'social unrest' after food and energy costs increased for six straight years." - Bloomberg.com

There have always been food shortages and attendant riots and starvation. But here's the key statement in this news article:

"There is a risk that this unrest will spread in countries where 50 to 60 percent of income goes to food,"

With actual inflation running at 13% right now, jobs drying up, the dollar falling, the economy collapsing, 10% of the population on foodstamps already, and the USA headed into the New Great Depression, how long before people in the USA are spending 50 to 60% of their income on food?

Food for thought indeed.

World food shortages to stay, riots a risk: FAO

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - Food riots which have struck several impoverished countries could spread with shortages and high prices set to continue for some time, the head of the United Nation's Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) said.

A combination of high oil and fuel prices, rising demand for food in a wealthier Asia, the use of farmland and crops for biofuels, bad weather and speculation on futures markets have pushed up food prices, prompting violent protests in a handful of poor states.

Air Pollution Eyed as Raw Material for Plastics

LiveScience.com - In the future, all those DVDs you buy could be made from air pollution.

If plans to remove carbon dioxide from smokestacks succeed, the gas could be harnessed and turned into plastic products, new research claims.

Carbon dioxide is emitted into the air by the burning of fossil fuels, primarily by power plants and automobiles. It is the main greenhouse gas contributing to man-made global warming.

Sucking the carbon dioxide from smokestack emissions could enable a process by which the heat-trapping gas would be turned into a raw material for making polycarbonates, a type of plastic, and keep it from raising global temperatures even more, according to two groups of researchers who presented their findings today at a meeting of the American Chemical Society in New Orleans.

Baby with 2 faces born in north India

SAINI SUNPURA, India, Associated Press - A baby with two faces was born in a northern Indian village, where she is doing well and is being worshipped as the reincarnation of a Hindu goddess, her father said Tuesday.

The baby, Lali, apparently has an extremely rare condition known as craniofacial duplication, where a single head has two faces. Except for her ears, all of Lali's facial features are duplicated — she has two noses, two pairs of lips and two pairs of eyes.

Jeebus wants you to have a Rolex, dude. If you give us lots of money, we'll teach you how to believe that.

The Bible:

"If anyone teaches false doctrines and does not agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, {4} he is conceited and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions {5} and constant friction between men of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain. {6} But godliness with contentment is great gain. {7} For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. {8} But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. {9} People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. {10} For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."

- 1 Timothy 6:3-10 NIV

The "Reverend" Creflo Dollar:

“1 Million Strong: Loving Our Partners Through Relationship!”

Partnership with Creflo Dollar Ministries (CDM) involves a covenant connection. It is a commitment to assist Dr. Creflo A. Dollar and Pastor Taffi L. Dollar with fulfilling their God-given destiny to impact the lives of millions by spreading the Gospel worldwide. Every soul that is saved and life that is changed through CDM is credited to the heavenly accounts of our Vision Partners.

What Is a Partner?

A partner is one who shares responsibility in some common activity with another individual or group.

A Vision Partner of Creflo Dollar Ministries is someone who is committed to this ministry and shares its vision.

Partnership is the relationship between people who support one another in the achievement of a common goal.

By no means is partnership just an avenue through which to raise finances. Instead, it involves a mutual exchange of faithfulness. Dr. Creflo A. Dollar and Pastor Taffi L. Dollar faithfully and actively pray on behalf of our Vision Partners daily. They declare the blessing—the empowerment to prosper and excel—on our Vision Partners. Vision Partners of this ministry have a right to connect to the anointing that is on this ministry so that they, too, can prosper spiritually, socially, mentally, physically, emotionally and financially.

Dr. Dollar and the entire CDM family strive to reciprocate in meaningful ways the commitment that our Vision Partners show. For example, this ministry hosts intimate, partner-only meetings across the United States and around the world. We endeavor to provide first-class service and quality products. Our Partner Relations department is equipped to help our Vision Partners maximize their partnership experience. As far as we are concerned, all of our Vision Partners are VIPs (Very Important Partners)!

Our Part:

* Pray daily for God's blessings to be on you
* Study and diligently seek the Word of God
* Minister to you monthly through a personal letter from Dr. Creflo A. Dollar
* Furnish you with an official partner certificate
* Periodically offer special gifts for your spiritual edification and growth
* Provide quality customer service and products
* Be good stewards and operate with integrity and excellence

Your Part:

* Attend meetings in your area
* Always pray for Dr. Dollar, his family and Creflo Dollar Ministries
* Contact us periodically within a two-year period
* Actively strive to recruit new Vision Partners
* Support us financially with your monthly pledge: "Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account" (Philippians 4:17).

TRANSLATION:

Our Part: We'll sell you lots of expensive 'motivational' items using plenty of nice cheap feel-good words, take your 'love gifts' and spend them. On Rolexes.

Your Part: Give us money, sign up more chumps to give us money, buy our cheap crap, give us money.

Tell me about it. In an area of the country with some of the highest property taxes and lowest crime rates and social welfare needs, my town is infamous for its potholes and shabby roads... so where is the money going again? Who the fuck knows, but it's clearly not going anywhere that benefits the people.

US water pipelines are breaking

NEW YORK, Associated Press - Two hours north of New York City, a mile-long stream and a marsh the size of a football field have mysteriously formed along a country road. They are such a marvel that people come from miles around to drink the crystal-clear water, believing it is bubbling up from a hidden natural spring.

The truth is far less romantic: The water is coming from a cracked 70-year-old tunnel hundreds of feet below ground, scientists say.

The tunnel is leaking up to 36 million gallons a day as it carries drinking water from a reservoir to the big city. It is a powerful warning sign of a larger problem around the country: The infrastructure that delivers water to the nation's cities is badly aging and in need of repairs.

The Environmental Protection Agency says utilities will need to invest more than $277 billion over the next two decades on repairs and improvements to drinking water systems. Water industry engineers put the figure drastically higher, at about $480 million.

Dubai crown prince buys camel for record 2.7 mln dlrs

ABU DHABI (AFP) - The crown prince of the United Arab Emirates of Dubai has bought a female camel for a record 2.72 million dollars, an organiser at a camel beauty pageant said on Monday.

Sheikh Hamdan bin Mohammed bin Rashed al-Maktoum "bought camels... worth 16.5 million dirhams (4.49 million dollars), including a female camel... for 10 million dirhams (2.72 million dollars)," Hamad bin Kardoum al-Amiri said.

Amiri, quoted by the official WAM news agency, made the remarks on the sidelines of the nine-day beauty pageant which opened on Wednesday in the UAE capital of Abu Dhabi.

More than 10,000 camels -- including females which are the fasting racing camels -- from across the Gulf are competing for prize money totalling around 9.5 million dollars. One hundred cars are also up for grabs.

The contest is part of a camel festival in Abu Dhabi that aims to celebrate and preserve the region's cultural heritage.

This is the secret compound of that sick fuck, Warren Jeffs, currently sitting in jail for aiding and abetting the rape, incest and sexual slavery of underage girls. The really sad thing is, most of these kids and young women have been brainwashed since birth to believe that they are doing god's work by letting Uncle Daddy the Church Elder knock them up the minute they sprout tits.

"...one girl (told) a child abuse investigator that it's an "honor" to be a teenage mother".

What's even sicker, the 'elders' cast out the young boys after they hit puberty, turning them out into the world with nothing. Can't have young virile competition for those 50 underage wives, now can we?

Using religion to justify a cult where a handful of male perverts raise their own harems is seriously twisted shit.

400+ kids taken from polygamist compound

SAN ANGELO, Texas, Associated Press - Authorities say more than 400 children have been taken from a polygamist compound and placed in state custody as they continue to investigate whether one of them had been an underage bride.

Authorities have uncovered the equivalent of a small town on the 1,700-acre property in rural West Texas they raided last week. They say 133 women left the compound voluntarily and that an unknown number of men remained there and are not free to leave.

Child Protective Services spokeswoman Marleigh Meisner says she believes the operation is the biggest of its kind in Texas. She was also involved in the 1993 siege of the Branch Davidian compound in Waco.

A girl's report to authorities last week that she was abused led to last week's raid.

---

Polygamist ranch raided, more than 400 people removed

CNN - From a distance, the dresses and hair styles suggest these sect members are from another time.

But the images don't fully capture the drama several hundred women and children have endured.

"They were just so fearful, and all they have learned was that we were the devil. All the outside world was the devil," church volunteer Eva Jo Session said.

Helen Pfluger and dozens of other Eldorado residents spent the last four days setting up a temporary shelter for the sect members at a local Baptist church. The experience was eye-opening.

How do you react when a child looks confused by a crayon?

"The mother was maybe 16, didn't know what to do with Crayolas," Pfluger said. "She said, 'what are we supposed to do with these?'"

Inside the compound, there are no televisions. No newspapers. No magazines.

For the volunteers in Eldorado who have been taking care of the sect members, it's really the first chance they've ever had to come close to them. Almost none of the women and children ever venture off the compound.

In fact, only a few of the men have ever been seen around town. Several volunteers said many of the women and children sat huddled together. Many were described as non-responsive and that they even wanted their beds to be touching.

Pfluger said she heard one girl tell a child abuse investigator that it's an "honor" to be a teenage mother.

"There was a little girl, probably 8 years old, and she had one of the babies and you could have thought that's her mother. She was learning at that age to be a mother, not with a doll, because they don't have dolls. Their dolls are real," Pfluger said.

"The young pregnant girls were hard to watch, hard to see. Some of them, the way they would not look at you, would not give you eye contact. That was hard," Church volunteer Jimalee Dutton said.

Investigators said the children are terrified of the world outside the compound but people like Pfluger and other volunteers are also terrified of what it's like inside the compound.

That modern patriot, John Williams at shadowstats.com, has made it his mission to continue compiling key government financial data according to the way it was compiled before the goobermint voodoo economics boyz started massaging, fiddling, and otherwise outright making up the numbers.

Here's what the balance sheet for the USA, Inc, really looks like:

Money supply - the amount of worthless fiat dollars running around loose. M3 is the total money supply, which the Bush administration abruptly and arbitrarily decided to simply stop reporting (ShadowStats simply takes the same formula used before they stopped to project the current numbers). Rapidly increasing fiat money supplies are hyperinflationary by nature. Bernanke has vowed to keep the electronic printing presses running until every last banker is out of harm's way.

Employment - how many poor shmucks are really out of a job, even the "want fries with that" kind. Note we currently run 13% in real numbers. At the height of the Great Depression, the number was about 25%. Usually, figures of 10% unemployment have the people openly seeking politicians' blood.

Inflation - keep in mind the CPI does not include, food, fuel, or rent. Clearly, your goobermint considers food, shelter and fuel to run your car and heat your home to be for wussies. Inflation of 15% historically generates riots in the streets.

You can easily understand why the Boyz keep fucking with the numbers - if the people truly understood how totally fucked up the economy really is, and how screwed the little guy is, there would be armed revolt and tanks in the streets.

Can't wait hehehehehe.

By the time the housing market prices bottom out, the dollar will have dropped enough to lift gold prices into the stratosphere, which means I will finally actually be able to buy a decent property in one of the most overpriced areas in the country. See, I'm not rich, but I'm not stupid, either, and when I had 50 thousand people trying to sell me freaky mortgages on outrageously overpriced McMansions, I was one of the "fools" who said "no thanks"...

This guy is so amazingly right on:

"• Never let a private company (the Federal Reserve) control the money supply.

• Never let "representative" legislators vote in your place. Insist on a DIRECT Democracy in the next society. (We don't need Senators and Congresspeople, folks. The whole concept is long since outdated, and most Senators and Congresspeople are crooks.)

• Never let a government abandon the gold standard for its currency. If you do, that government will inevitably hyperinflate the currency and leave the people broke.

• Never let corporations run the government. If you do, your government will become a branch of the corporations, and the regulators (like the FDA, USDA, etc.) will become agents of corporate-sponsored terrorism that abandon all ethics and destroy the health and safety of the People.

• Never allow the centralization of power in one branch of government. For example, do not allow the creation of Executive Orders we've seen signed by the President.

• Never allow one man (the President) to commit acts of war. Didn't we learn this after Vietnam?

• Never allow people from industry to take jobs in the government where they become biased, pro-corporate pushers of everything from pharmaceuticals to beef.

• Never allow politicians to censor scientists.

• Never allow the population to be dumbed-down through sub-standard public schools that only raise a generation of obedient workers, not skeptical thinkers.

• Never allow the media to control the population through advertiser-supported propaganda and violent programming.

• Never allow politicians to destroy citizens' rights. When they attempt to do so, march on your capitol (in a non-violent way, of course). Arrest the politicians. Prosecute them for crimes against the People.

• Never allow corporate lobbyists to have access to lawmakers. If you do, you'll end up with a corrupt government that only protects corporations, not the People.

• Never allow your government to operate in secret, with secret prisons, secret wiretapping laws and secret war "evidence" that is never made public. Secrecy breeds corruption. Honest societies do not need to conduct their judicial processes in secret.

• Never allow corporations to play God with the food supply by genetically modifying the crops.

• Never allow corporations to be granted intellectual property ownership over seeds, genes, animals and medicines. If you do, you will one day wake up impoverished, "homeless on the continent your fathers conquered," to quote Jefferson.

• Never allow banks to operate on a fractional reserve system of loans and money creation that's just begging for a series of cascading failures."

Here's the complete article. It should be required reading for everyone.

The Forbidden Financial Topic: U.S. National Debt

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 by: Mike Adams

(NaturalNews) As we wind our way towards an election between the numerous professional liars who have been put forward as candidates for U.S. President, it seems to be a great time to remind us all about the financial issue being routinely ignored by virtually everyone (except Ron Paul, of course, who was never really embraced by the "please lie to me" mainstream public). To what financial issue am I referring? The national debt, of course.

Americans don't want to hear about the national debt. It's like a family living paycheck to paycheck, maxed out on their credit cards, trying to pretend the collection notices are all being lost in the mail. They don't want to admit they have no ability to actually pay off the debt they've incurred by pursuing a flamboyoant lifestyle, blowing wads of cash on high-priced wines, luxury vehicles, and an occassional line of coke -- they desperately want to imagine they can keep living on money that appears from nowhere, regardless of how much they owe to everybody else and the fact that their incomes don't even come close to matching their expenditures.

From Bill Bonner at Daily Reckoning:

"The empire is rolling over. Now, in its advanced, decadent phase, the imperial government must provide bread - in the form of plastic food stamps…and circuses - in the form of national party conventions, elections and foreign wars. The combination settles the public…and distracts them. They become docile, subservient, willing to stand in line to protect themselves from make-believe threats …and ready to put up with any nonsense, no matter how grotesque, absurd or faithless."

Welcome to Bizarro World News Network (BWNN)! In today's headlines, re-learning our parents and grandparent's lessons of living within our means and saving up for what we want are characterized as aberrant behavior that will bring down our economy! w00t!

Don't buy that second-hand car there, buddy - you'll be putting a Goldman Sachs executive on the streets!

Consumer fear could extend malaise

NEW YORK, Associated Press - The gloomiest outlook for the economy in 35 years may be forcing Americans to live with what they have and save up for what they want.

Lynda Nicely has been living in a sparsely furnished rental apartment in a Milwaukee suburb since October while she saves enough money for furniture at a second hand store. And when temperatures soar this summer, she plans to buy a fan, not an air conditioner.

"I am a little rattled," said the 28-year-old resident of West Allis, Wis., who took a second job as a waitress and plans to hoard three months worth of emergency cash just in case she loses her primary job in public relations.

A growing number of anxious people across all income segments are shopping at less expensive stores, reacquainting themselves with the library, paying down credit card debt and cutting back on new clothes and cars, vacations and meals out. The psychology of the American consumer has turned as worries heighten about the job market, the slump in real estate and soaring daily living costs.

Industry followers say shoppers' fear, which has been escalating since last July, could very well worsen what ails us.

Such spending cuts could be "a self-fulfilling prophesy" and could hasten the economy's slide, said Lynn Franco, director of The Conference Board Consumer Research Center.

"I don't think (the spending slump) has bottomed out," said Candace Corlett, principal at consulting firm WSL Strategic Retail. "Shoppers are learning a new behavior: how to resist temptation. There is a lot of fear out there."

Highly massaged numbers are still so scary it's clear we're way beyond "possible" into "wake the fuck up". Wait 'till the quarterlies come out for inflation, core price, and manufacturing.

Jobs slashed, pointing to recession

WASHINGTON, Associated Press - Employers buffeted by talk of recession slashed 80,000 jobs in March, the most in five years and the third straight month of losses.

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At the same time, the national unemployment rate rose from 4.8 percent to 5.1 percent, the clearest signal yet that the economy might already be shrinking.

The new snapshot of the job market, released by the Labor Department Friday, underscored the damage that a trio of crises _in the housing, credit and financial sectors — has inflicted on companies, jobseekers and the economy as a whole.

"The labor market has indeed turned south," said Joel Naroff, president of Naroff Economic Advisors. "That was the one last bastion of hope to stay out of a recession. Now the question is how deep and how long will it last?"

The unemployment rate was the highest since September 2005, when significant job losses followed the devastating blows of Gulf Coast hurricanes.

Job losses were widespread in March. Construction, manufacturing, retailing, financial services and various business services all racked up losses. That overwhelmed gains elsewhere, including in education and health care, leisure and hospitality as well as in government.

In a military-industrial complex, it's all about the Benjamins, baby!

Lawmakers heavily invested in defense

WASHINGTON, Associated Press - Members of Congress have as much as $196 million collectively invested in companies doing business with the Defense Department, earning millions since the onset of the Iraq war, according to a study by a nonpartisan research group.

Not all the companies in which lawmakers invested are typical defense contractors. Corporations such as PepsiCo, IBM, Microsoft and Johnson & Johnson have at one point received defense-related contracts, notes the report by the Washington-based Center for Responsive Politics.

The center's review of lawmakers' 2006 financial disclosure statements suggests that members' holdings could pose a conflict of interest as they decide the fate of Iraq war spending. Several members earning money from these contractors have plum committee or leadership assignments, including Democratic Sen. John Kerry, independent Sen. Joseph Lieberman and House Republican Whip Roy Blunt.

The study found that more Republicans than Democrats hold stock in defense companies, but that the Democrats who are invested had significantly more money at stake. In 2006, for example, Democrats held at least $3.7 million in military-related investments, compared to Republican investments of $577,500.

Overall, 151 members hold investments worth $78.7 million to $195.5 million in companies that receive defense contracts that are worth at least $5 million. These investments earned them anywhere between $15.8 million and $62 million between 2004 and 2006, the center concludes.

Never never forget that the Federal Reserve is a private corporation owned by JPMorgan, GoldmanSachs, etc. It is not controlled in any way by the people of the USA, it is not a government unit. It is a PRIVATE BANK with government-sanctioned power.

From Mish, an excellent summary of the FED's part in the march towards a centrally planned military-industrial fascist USA:

"Fed Uncertainty Principle:

The fed, by its very existence, has completely distorted the market via self reinforcing observer/participant feedback loops. Thus, it is fatally flawed logic to suggest the Fed is simply following the market, therefore the market is to blame for the Fed's actions. There would not be a Fed in a free market, and by implication there would not be observer/participant feedback loops either.

Corollary Number One:

The Fed has no idea where interest rates should be. Only a free market does. The Fed will be disingenuous about what it knows (nothing of use) and doesn't know (much more than it wants to admit), particularly in times of economic stress.

Corollary Number Two:

The government/quasi-government body most responsible for creating this mess (the Fed), will attempt a big power grab, purportedly to fix whatever problems it creates. The bigger the mess it creates, the more power it will attempt to grab. Over time this leads to dangerously concentrated power into the hands of those who have already proven they do not know what they are doing.

Corollary Number Three:

Don't expect the Fed to learn from past mistakes. Instead, expect the Fed to repeat them with bigger and bigger doses of exactly what created the initial problem.

Corollary Number Four:

One SUV tank of ethanol equals enough grain to feed one human for a YEAR. Ethanol is a BAD, BAD IDEA. We need hydrogen, solar, and pigshit methane vehicles.

World cooling on biofuel solution to climate change

JAKARTA (AFP) - Once a golden promise in the fight against climate change, biofuels are fast losing their lustre as high demand for essential crops drives land clearing and pushes up the price of food.

Biofuels made from food crops such as corn, sugar, soybeans and oil palm burn cleaner than fossil fuels, but experts say high demand is sending ripples through the world economy, and could be doing the environment more harm than good.

Don't EVEN try to tell me that violent videogames, television and movies don't affect our kids. Lookit what these eight and nine-year old ratfucks came up with:

[Killing kit put together by 3rd graders]

Cops: 3rd-graders aimed to hurt teacher

WAYCROSS, Ga., Associated Press - A group of third-graders plotted to attack their teacher, bringing a broken steak knife, handcuffs, duct tape and other items for the job and assigning children tasks including covering the windows and cleaning up afterward, police said Tuesday.

The plot by as many as nine boys and girls at Center Elementary School in south Georgia was a serious threat, Waycross Police Chief Tony Tanner said.

"We did not hear anybody say they intended to kill her, but could they have accidentally killed her? Absolutely," Tanner said. "We feel like if they weren't interrupted, there would have been an attempt. Would they have been successful? We don't know."

The children, ages 8 and 9, were apparently mad at the teacher because she had scolded one of them for standing on a chair, Tanner said. A prosecutor said they are too young to be charged with a crime under Georgia law.

School officials alerted police Friday after a pupil tipped off a teacher that a girl had brought a weapon to school, Tanner said.

Police seized a broken steak knife, handcuffs, duct tape, electrical and transparent tape, ribbons and a crystal paperweight from the students, who apparently intended to use them against the teacher, Tanner said.